Going For the Money

In a huge NCAA football shocker, Heisman Trophy winner and national champion Cameron "Cam" Newton decided to forgo his final year of eligibility and enter the NFL draft.  If there was ever a guy I thought could wait to get paid it was Cam.  I really saw Cam as the type that would value development as a quarterback and a person over cash.  He seemed like such a wonderful student.  I think he must have really toiled with his decision to postpone his degree and enter the draft in what is shaping up to be a lockout year for NFL players.

I'm sure he will be able to keep busy, and think of all the good he will be able to do with his signing bonus!  His Dad can finally get that church yacht he had his eye on after those tightwads at Mississippi State wouldn't shell out for Cam's services.  Luckily, the NCAA adopted a whole new set of rules pertaining to Cam so absolutely no one got punished.  It's not as if the money wasn't going to a good cause.  Now Pastor Newton will be able to minister on the high seas while cruising on God Loves A Heisman Winner.  And Cam will be able to get his Cammy Cam Juice business started.  I hear it's already the drink of choice for female sideline reporters.

Even though former Longhorn scumbag Gene Chizik and Auburn loses its best player, at least they will get to enjoy the BCS National Championship for a couple of years before they are forced to vacate their season for providing money to the Newton family.  I'm sure Auburn will agree it was money well spent.  You can't say they didn't get a return on their investment.  I wonder how Cam will be able to give back the Heisman trophy after his dad mounts it as a yacht ornament.  Ahh, these are all questions for the future.  For now, we should celebrate that another model citizen leaving the SEC to make his mark on the world as a young millionaire.

Tim Tebow will have to step aside as God's number one NFL steward now that Cam is in the league.  I mean, Tebow never tried to extort a university for the purpose of spreading God's word.  Did he?  No.  And why not?  Morals?  Let's not let something like that get in the way of forcing your message on the public.  Did Tebow dedicate his Heisman and National Championships to God?  He did?  Well, whatever.  He was too busy going on missionary trips to the Philippines and caring for the needy to hold a public auction in the SEC.

You know that's why Cam left Florida in the first place.  Sure.  He stole a laptop. Or, I'm sorry, purchased a stolen laptop and then hid it from police officers that somehow knew to come looking for him rather than the people that supposedly sold it to him.  And sure.  He cheated a few times and was threatened with expulsion and public exposure.  But the real reason was he needed money.  For God.

I mean his Dad needed money for God.  You know there are so many explanations for Cam's choices that I lose track sometimes.  I apologize.  The point is, some team is getting a high character individual who will become the spiritual leader of their football team.  The world will be a better place now that Cam is getting paid.  Good luck in 2012 when NFL football resumes Cam.  I'll be rooting for you!  Even if you are playing tight end.