Super Bowl Shuffle

The end of the football season has come and gone, and I am left with that familiar feeling of incompleteness. The Super Bowl was fairly entertaining with a surprising outcome, but it wasn't enough to satisfy the experience. Despite being shocked by the bravado of Saints head coach Sean Payton calling an onside kick to start the second half, and being equally shocked Colts QB Peyton Manning threw an untimely interception that cost his team the game, I felt myself counting down the minutes until the close of the season.

The game was remarkably clean with regards to penalties and flow. Both teams sustained long possessions (especially in the first half) which kept the game clock moving. Unfortunately, for every minute of televised football there were 51 seconds of commercials.

There is always buzz from the general public about Super Bowl ads. Viewers compare and rate new ads with the same enthusiasm many compare and rate the teams playing in the game. It has become a game in itself. The Super Bowl would not be the spectacle it has become if not for this anticipation. For that reason, the commercials are a relevant topic every year, and should not be ignored as part of the Super Bowl experience.

Personally, there isn't much I like about ads during any football game, even the Super Bowl, but this year helped me change my opinion. What was once mild irritation has blossomed into full blown hatred after being subjected to the mind numbing garbage the ad wizards submitted this year. Add a massive quantity of breaks with an extended halftime and you get a grueling battle with time.

Have you ever seen a bigger collective whiff from companies spending millions to promote their product? The thought process seemed to be scrap originality and rely on sex, violence, animals, and gimmicks. I realize that works for beer companies, but the ideology spilled over to the majority of spots on the biggest promotional platform of the year.

Let me start the bashing with Go Daddy. Not only is the campaign juvenile and trashy, it is not original. It is the same crap they have been doing for years and they play out like low grade pornography. I originally thought the Danica Patrick campaign was supposed to be a spoof of the porn industry, but it appears they are mainly interested in having 14 year old boys log on to their website to see if a "Go Daddy Girl" takes her clothes off. Is Patrick really smart by cashing in with these ad abominations? If she continues to win one race every three years, she has a much better future as a shill than a driver. I can already see the late night Showtime feature called Driving Temptation where she has to drive her way out of a female prison.

While we're on the topic of sex in advertising, the Megan Fox in a bathtub commercial made me cringe. During the montage fallout from Fox posting her naked pic on the Internet, there is a moment where a mother yells for her son through a locked bathroom door. I was shocked at the suggestive nature of Timmy masturbating to sell phones, or whatever the ad was for. Unless the intended message was Fox is a fox, the point was lost on me. I can't believe I am saying this, but there are kids that watch the Super Bowl. Wouldn't it be fun to be the parent that gets to give the birds and bees talk at halftime?

Just as disturbing as the sexed up ads is the influence of violence during the Super Bowl. Every year I watch as the percentage of violent ads increase, and this year was no different. I realize football is a violent sport, and it is a testosterone driven experience, but the ads don't have to mirror this sentiment to sell me snacks. I'm sure there are several people that got a kick out of the Doritos assassin, but it felt too out of context to be humorous. That was just one of many that called upon violence to mask a lack of creativity. Why would Doritos revert to these tactics? In addition to the assassin, they provided a kid slapping his mother's suitor, a dog using a shock collar on his owner, and a man in a coffin full of Doritos.

The beer commercials had their usual 19 year old undertones and were mostly forgettable. There was a whale in the back of an SUV stemming from a bachelor party gone awry (never seen that theme before). Betty White got tackled in the mud. Several ads with "regular" people in their underwear. At least three different companies with the "retake your manhood" theme. People as dolphins. Longhorn Clydesdale (hideous creature). Troy Polamalu as a groundhog. Tebow. And more E Trade baby.

My Dad happens to love the E Trade baby, but I have had enough. The campaign was amusing when it first aired two years ago, but I'm sick of seeing talking babies, animals, and inanimate objects. Look Who's Talking came out in '89. I have seen the baby 10 thousand times. After sifting through the commercial manure for two hours, I wasn't ready for another. I wanted to see something new. It's not only football's Super Bowl, it's advertising's Super Bowl. That is the best they could come up with? Regurgitated gimmicks? Why do we as a society respond positively to such garbage?

Do ad directors have a social responsibility? Maybe not. The goal in their game is to make the most money. But with the crap they are feeding our society, and the crap our culture feeds on, they are about one step away from hiding in the bushes to get a snapshot of Lindsey Lohan in her bath robe. It takes individuals that realize their soul is not for sale to demand more from their creative team. I want to see someone break the mold, not re-filter the same crap.

It might be a harsh criticism of an average group of Super Bowl ads, but I expected more. With an industry that hires the best of the best, offering nothing other than sophomoric humor, sex, and violence is unacceptable. It might hit your target demographic, but it also highlights a problem with your product. Tell me why I should buy your product in a way that is original, entertaining, and informative. Tell me why you are good for me and better than your competitor without trying to shock me into remembering your name.

Obviously there were some winners this year. I thought the best ad was Google's study abroad spot. Clever, unique, sweet, and really highlighted how our existence has changed thanks to Google.

I thought the Oprah/Letterman/Leno ad was timely and humorous. I laughed at some of the scenes from the Green Police ad by Audi. I liked seeing the Super Bowl Shuffle brought back 25 years later (although it was a bit creepy). It was nice to see Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo back as the Griswold's. And that's about it. I'm sure there are several I don't recall, but isn't that the point?

For a game that had plenty of intrigue, and was played and coached at a high level, the frequent breaks and uninspired ads really put a damper on the event. As Polamalu showed us, we will have six more weeks of winter. Six winter weeks without football. Six winter weeks plus another 46 advertisers can critique and improve on their performance this year. I really hope they can get their game together and prove there is still some talent in advertising. Just like everyone's team other than the Saints, "Wait until next year..." Guess we have to.