Smells Like Barbeque

Is Mark Mangino getting fired?

The past week has been rough on Kansas University head football coach Mark Mangino. Allegations of verbal abuse and chest poking, excuse me, "inappropriate physical contact" by Mangino surfaced after he blasted senior linebacker Arist Wright for laughing during a walkthrough prior to the Colorado game, October 17. A game the Jayhawks later lost and one that started a five game losing streak. This incident led KU Athletic Director, Lew Perkins, to launch an investigation of Mangino's alleged mistreatment of players. Fanning these flames is the five game losing streak which will most likely continue this week when KU plays the Texas Longhorns in Austin.

After launching the investigation, several former KU players have come forward and described Mangino as a heartless maniac who insults players with personal attacks. More than one former player has suggested he seek treatment to manage his rage. The issue received more attention than the Jayhawks have for their play, and many speculate that Mangino will be removed as head coach, possibly before the season ends.

What? What's going on in Lawrence?

Last time I checked on the Jayhawks they were coming off of an Orange Bowl victory over Virginia Tech, finishing the 2007 season 12-1, and the Associated Press was naming Mangino Coach of the Year. A lot can happen to a football coach at a basketball school in two years, I guess.

Do you know who Mangino's actions remind me of (assuming they're true)? 99 percent of the football coaches in the country, right down to Pop Warner levels. It doesn't stop at football either. There are coaches in every sport that are demanding and verbally abusive. Is it wrong? Possibly, but it is the status quo in a world where win at any cost is the mantra, and fans wouldn't have it any other way. If you want to hear some serious verbal abuse, listen to the fans during a game. College football is big business and hard nosed coaches get through to kids. I am not saying Mangino is justified in his actions. I'm saying he does not deserve to be fired.

The real culprit of Mangino's problems is the current five game losing streak, and 5-5 record. Somehow Mangino managed to spoil Jayhawks fans during his seven year tenure. That accomplishment by itself is amazing. KU is a basketball school and always will be. KU cuts down the net, they don't win BCS games. Mangino taking KU football to a top five ranking is as unlikely as Navy beating Notre Dame two years in a row. Bad example. As unlikely as wings on a pig. Making KU football relevant is a feat that fans would be wise to recognize before judging Mangino's methods.

I imagine someone would point out that we need to change the culture of coaching and preach sportsmanship and education in college. I can't disagree with that sentiment, but we can't condemn one man for the offenses of many. Money, fans, athletic directors and the physical, emotional nature of the sport breed coaches like Mangino. Players who play at that level must know what they are getting themselves into. He might be insensitive, but he has never physically harmed any players. Players who get their feelings hurt from coaches yelling at them are not likely to succeed in football.

My theory to KU's struggles this season is the lack of talent depth, mostly due to the fact they are traditionally not a football juggernaut. You show me a basketball power house, and I'll show you a weak football program. It's the law of the land. There are some years where the two might parallel, but traditionally there is a dominant program. KU plays in one of the top two conferences in college football and is forced to compete with programs that are among the country's best, year in and year out. It's pretty tough to recruit against those programs. The top players coming out of Texas usually don't make it further north than Norman.

You can argue about the toughness of KU's players when you have seniors complaining about being poked when they are admittedly goofing off. It's not like it was done without reason. Imagine if someone hits that player with a chop block, you could probably expect to hear from his lawyer. How can your senior leaders be upset by that? Most take worse from their junior high baseball coaches. Despite his old school methodology, Mangino is still producing babies. That fact is more of a problem than the act itself. Mangino's methods have not been successful this year.

Mangino's antics are wrong but defensible. Firing a football coach for poking a player, yelling at him or insulting him is a joke. You could dig into any program and find the same type of allegations. Don't forget Mangino comes from a coaching tree that has branches all over the Big XII. He is connected and respected by many around the league and it starts with Bill Snyder at Kansas State. Bill Snyder is someone who nobody would paint with the same brush as Mangino, and yet, Snyder played a major role in Mangino's coaching make up. He coached under Snyder for eight years. Do you think he was much different then?

Unfortunately for Mangino, he has no sense of humor and lacks the ability to properly defend himself. His typical response to questions of the allegations is to blame the upbringing and parenting of the disgruntled players. The same type of generalizing that some claim is abusive. That is also not a smart way to attract future recruits. His responses to the investigation have harmed his position more than if he refused to participate. He also has the misfortune of looking like the human embodiment of Slimer from Ghostbusters. Let's be honest. If he was handsome and well spoken this would be a non issue.

Mangino's Jayhawks were ranked 16th in the nation at one point this season. Voters in each poll respect the Jayhawks enough to give them the benefit of decent rankings early in the year. KU fans should realize that is the pinnacle of their football program, no matter who takes over. Just to be mentioned in the polls is an accomplishment in Lawrence. Results might fluctuate, but generally KU fits in the league as a six to seven win team. If a coach can take that program and give them a BCS win, he should be a keeper.

Mangino is two wins away from becoming the winningest coach in KU history. Seriously. He is hard nosed, old school, whatever cliche you want to use, but he has overachieved in his tenure. He set the expectations that will eventually lead him to be fired, not his verbal abuse of players.

Life of a Superstitious Sooners Fan

I decided to start a running log of the small superstitions that drive my day leading up to a Sooners game. As a brief history of what I go through on game day and throughout the season, I will give you some of my highlights.

I start the the season deciding on my game day outfit down to the underwear. If the team plays great, nothing changes the next week. I wash everything. I do not believe in superstitions that compromise personal hygiene, but the game day outfit does not get changed until a loss, or if I feel like I need to do something drastic to change the team momentum. I would consider outfit the most important superstition. Here is a list of others that I am bound to during a football season.

1. I avoid talking to certain people on game day.

2. I make sure I talk to certain people.

3. I never shave, but sometimes I feel like I need to shave the day before a game.

4. I make sure I am showered and clean to watch the game.

5. I have certain shirts that I avoid wearing to bed the night before (most of them are actually OU shirts), and in really stressful seasons (this being one of them), I am concerned with every article I wear or don't wear to bed the night before.

6. I have a game day beer brand, much like the outfit, when I am watching the game at home. The beer doesn't change unless there is a loss while drinking that beer.

7. I make sure I drive the same way home if I work on a game day.

8. I arrange or build things like beer can pyramids to change momentum during a game. That one worked pretty well 2000 against A&M when OU came from behind to win.

9. I change viewing positions in the house.

10. I change shirts, wear more than one shirt, and when all else fails, I just take off my shirt.

There are several other small ones that I will take note of during the course of the day. Tomorrow's game will have a lot of new things I try because we are coming off of a loss. It should be a relatively easy win for the Sooners in Norman which may limit some of my superstitious antics, but we'll see. I will keep a running log and post the results Sunday.

RESULTS

Friday, Nov. 13


7:00 p.m. I am concerned keeping a log of my superstitions is bad luck.

7:15 p.m. Bite a fingernail and consider it bad luck. Stop biting fingernails.

9:28 p.m. Lose to wife in a game of Popomatic Trouble. Worry it is a bad sign.

11:50 p.m. Move coffee table to play Wii. Make sure I put it back in the exact same place when I am finished.


Saturday, Nov. 14 Game Day


7:11 a.m. Realize it is going to be sunny, consider this a good sign.

10:09 a.m. Realize I slept in the same underwear I wore last week during the game and consider this bad luck.

3:30 p.m. Decide not to change sponge head while washing dishes, could be bad luck.

4:25 p.m. Push myself very hard at gym for good luck.

4:45 p.m. Worry I worked too hard at the gym and I won't have enough energy for the game.

4:47 p.m. Debate whether or not to use conditioner while in shower, decide to use conditioner.

4:50 p.m. Contacts are stinging my eyes and I worry about having to wear glasses during the game.

4:50 p.m. Wonder if wearing glasses will actually be good luck.

4:51 p.m. Deliberate on which pair of glasses are more lucky to wear.

4:52 p.m. Consider cologne options and decide Polo Sport is bad luck, wear different cologne

4:59 p.m. Choose outfit very carefully, taking note which articles of clothing seem lucky. Decide to go with Peterson jersey over Bradford.

5:08 p.m. A friend invites me to bar to watch game, decline immediately (I don't go out in public during OU games unless I am watching live).

5:24 p.m. Wife goes to grocery store. Concerned about her beer selection.

5:25 p.m. Worry again about recording superstitions.

5:30 p.m. Wonder if I should get beer from fridge or wait for wife. Decide to wait.

5:36 p.m. Consider calling Dad then reconsider and decide it is luckier to call closer to game time.

5:50 p.m. Change channel to station game is on ten minutes early.

6:11 p.m. Turn off computer sitting on coffee table. Consider screen bad luck.

6:14 p.m. Decide to get a beer from fridge since wife is still not home. Next play after opening beer OU scores defensive TD. Realize I will keep drinking these beers because they are good luck.

6:34 p.m. Change seat after OU continues to struggle offensively.

6:39 p.m. Wife gets home. Offense scores TD. Wife is lucky.

6:55 p.m. OU turns ball over while FSN shows a cut away story between plays, consider the story unlucky.

7:05 p.m. Game is tight, worried about underwear selection.

7:06 p.m. Concerned about superstition log.

7:07 p.m. Lay down, offense makes nice play. Worried sitting up will be bad luck.

7:08 p.m. Sit back up.

7:09 p.m. Lay back down.

7:10 p.m. Sit back up.

7:17 p.m. Switch beer brands.

7:19 p.m. Consider jersey change.

7:24 p.m. Looks like beer change is working.

7:35 p.m. Worry about taking last swallow of beer during a play.

7:38 p.m. Stand up.

7:38 p.m. Sit back down.

7:40 p.m. Getting the feeling glasses are lucky.

8:00 p.m. Everything is working. Gonna wear glasses every time I watch OU on TV going forward.

For those that watched the game you know at this point the Sooners took control and it became a blow out. I shut down the superstitions once the game was in control. It was nice to see the 60+ point mark cracked again. I didn't realize last week was Friday the 13th, until today. I don't follow any traditional superstitions. Mine are my own.

Well, there you have it. A sampling of my life on a game day. Good thing the game was only in question for a little over a quarter or this would be a much longer post.

Bus Stop to Bathroom: A College Story

My senior year of college I moved into a house with two friends in East Norman, Oklahoma. For those reading this that know Norman geography, it was on the corner of E Brooks and 12th Avenue. I spent the previous two years living in a fraternity house and I was extremely excited to have a place that felt more like a home. Some place that I didn't have to wear shoes in the shower. A place where I wouldn't be woke up by drunk idiots breaking bottles at 5am. Somewhere there wasn't ketchup (hopefully) sprayed all over the walls. Some place I could bring my parents or girlfriend without them leaving in tears. You get the point.

I was very happy with my new surroundings on Brooks Street. My roommates and I took full advantage of our patio, spending hours outside telling stories, laughing and staying up too late. One very late weekend morning (I'm talking 6am late), we heard some strange sounds coming from outside. We all shrugged it off and went to bed, but moments later I heard it again louder than before. It kind of sounded like a wild animal singing. If there were words being shouted, it was only an accident. What was really amazing was the projection and volume of the noises. They penetrated the walls of the house with ease. When I heard it again, I got up to investigate.

I went into the backyard and peeked through the fence and saw a very large man with Down syndrome standing at the bus stop across the street, smiling and singing a song he seemed to be making up. At that moment I felt a very noticeable swell of pride in my chest for that man. He obviously had a disability, but he was standing at the bus stop on his way somewhere without a chaperone. He was self sufficient, and happy enough to burst out in song at 6am.

Monday came and I realized the man I heard singing Saturday must sleep in weekends, after I awoke to another song from Bus Stop Idol, this time at 5am. There was no swell in my chest, but it didn't bother me understanding the circumstances.

As a side note: For me to wake up from someone singing across the street is impressive in itself. For me to wake up at 5am during my college years is unbelievable. For me to wake up at 5am from someone singing across the street during my college years is nearly impossible. Only one of the loudest noise makers on this planet could have woke me. As a child in San Diego I can remember sleeping through earthquakes. An earthquake couldn't wake me, but a gentleman across the street at a bus stop could. By singing. His voice was stronger than nature.

A few days went by and I had not heard my friend the singer. I was relieved when I awoke to him belting out a few lines from a song I called "Happy Day," as those were the only words I thought I recognized.

The following day I was jolted awake again by the thunderous tenor of my bus stop friend. It started to get irritating.

My car broke down driving home from class that semester. While I planned logistics of getting to and from class, it dawned on me that I would have to take the bus. The first day I was at the university bus stop to go home, I saw my friend also waiting. He had a female friend with him that I assumed was his girlfriend. I surmised they probably worked in the Student Union. There is a large dining area there with several restaurants grouped together. It is one of the major hubs on campus. The Union employed several capable workers with Down syndrome to bus tables and empty the garbage. Pretty inspiring to see in action.

As we rode home together on the bus, I noticed he was fairly aggressive with his girlfriend. Not in a scary way, but one that made me take notice and then try not to look back. There was some definite kissing and groping that I would have rather not seen. I realized why he felt compelled to sing at the bus stop. Apparently my friend had a bit of charm with the ladies.

He left earlier in the morning than I did so I never got to see if he would sing with an audience, but we rode the bus home together several times and he appeared to have many girlfriends. I began to see him at work, interacting with his co workers. He was the most popular guy of the bunch. He had a bit of a bully streak in him probably due to the fact he outweighed his nearest male co worker by 50 pounds,easily. The women loved him and the men feared him. I began to refer to him as the King.

The Union had a large clean bathroom. It was spacious with five urinals and three stalls. Because of this, I made it a point to use the bathroom whenever I was there. One afternoon, I finished my lunch and headed to the Union bathroom. I walked in to a completely empty room and went to the furthest urinal from the door. I unzipped my pants and started to go when I heard the door swing open. I didn't look over at first, just continued what I was doing.

I started to hear loud, lumbering steps approaching me and noises that sounded like a wild boar eviscerating a squirrel. There were guttural mutterings followed by snorts that seemed to be wet and over exaggerated. I turned my head to see what was making all the noise and discovered it was the King. We locked eyes for a brief moment and I looked away quickly, getting suddenly nervous. There was a look in his eyes that I interpreted as a warning.

As I continued to go, he walked directly behind me passing up the four open urinals and three open stalls. When I say directly, I mean no more than two inches belly to back.

At this point I was nervous with my pants unzipped, not a good combination. I wonder for a brief moment if he suspects me of spying on him and he picked the perfect time to exact revenge. I have no idea what he's going to do, but I can't finish going fast enough. I felt his breath on the back of my neck and his snarling noises got louder, more impatient.

Just as I started to wrap things up, a couple of guys walked into the bathroom. I must have looked scared. I can't imagine what I would do if I walked in on something like that, but I can tell you what they did. They started laughing their asses off. It was clear I had no idea how to handle the situation.

I didn't even get a chance to feel embarrassed before the King suddenly screamed, DAMN IT!!!! at full house penetrating volume, directly in my ear. That scared the rest of the pee out of me and I jumped like a teenage girl at a horror movie. My hand jerked with the rest of my body leaving me spraying wildly and helplessly. It was quite simply the biggest shock of my life. My heart was beating like hummingbird wings and the hair on my arms and neck were standing on end. A funny tingling ran from my spine to my ears, and my eyes were wide open, unable to blink.

When I finished, I swallowed hard and cautiously side stepped to get out of his way. The two other people in the bathroom were close to tears laughing. They didn't try to go to the bathroom. They just stood by the sink near the entrance and watched the scene unfold.

The King wasted no time ripping down his pants and going, groaning in relief. I understood that I must have been using his personal toilet. I hastily fastened my pants and got the hell out of there as fast as I could, not bothering to wash my hands. I only had time to shoot the other guys a dirty look as they were just beginning to compose themselves.

When I got home and recounted the traumatizing event, my friends thought I was making it up. Then it became a running joke and they would yell, "damn it!" when my back was turned.

I'm sure the King continued to sing in the morning, but I never woke up to him blasting out lyrics again. After I heard the full boom of his massive voice directly in my ear, I became immune to his morning serenades.

We continued to ride the bus together, but I made sure our paths didn't cross much after that. I always wondered if he held a grudge or if it was the urgency of the moment he was shouting about. Whatever the case, I didn't use the Union bathroom after the incident. I felt like he marked his territory very clearly.

Resident Evil: South Congress/Perla's Restaurant Review

Saturday had a strange feel, and I spent the majority of it in one of the most bazaar places an Oklahoma Sooners fan could be during the football season. As a warning to any Sooners fans who might happen to find themselves in Austin during the football season: Stay away from South Congress after the Longhorns play a home game.

The day started with checking my email to find out 18 random addresses from my outbox received a link to success hand bags, mysteriously generated from my account. I did not send the email. I still have no idea how something like that would happen, but it did. I would not have been too bothered by this if it weren't for a couple of embarassing details.

For starters, among the recipients of this email were co workers from my former employer (none of whom I communicate with, and if given the choice between having bamboo shoots pushed under my finger nails, or maintaining a relationship with any of these people, I would choose the shoots every time), a variety of HR addresses from companies I have applied to recently, and one of my mom's friends that seemed quite concerned I was spamming her.

Second, as you may have guessed already, success hand bags, very logically, is a link to an online store that peddles Viagra and Cialis. On the bright side, potential employers now know I am the type of guy who can help with any erectile dysfunction issues that might arise in the workplace. Everyone knows the key to business is to maximize profits and maintain a strong erection. Check in the block.

I was slightly frantic after reading the rest of my email and there were seven hours before Oklahoma kicked off against Nebraska. There was no way I could sit around the apartment all day, waiting for the game, so my wife (Firecracker) and I thought to grab some lunch. The only thing we agreed on before getting in the car was to eat outside because it was an absolutely gorgeous day. We decided to head over to one of Austin's more eclectic areas: South Congress. I have been accused of not taking advantage of all Austin has to offer, so I went along with this plan happily. Due to my eagerness to get out the door, I failed to recognize the Longhorns were finishing up their home game a few miles away.

Before we parked the car, I realized the area was covered in burnt orange. Strange people wearing strange clothes doing strange things. Before I knew it, I was surrounded. There were orange men twirling lassos, orange women chewing tobacco, and orange children firing pistolas in the air while their orange parents cheered them on. It was quite frightening. The sheer volume of orange made me feel like I was in a zombie movie where they just keep coming from everywhere, no end in sight. I felt concerned that I would be swept up in a sea of orange and find myself being carried down the street by ten thousand Longhorns fans.

It was nearing 2pm, and it took some effort to get a parking spot, so I gathered my courage and we decided to endure the colorful atmosphere. I had to veto the first couple restaurants because of the crowd, but we eventually stumble on a nice looking outdoor restaurant with only half the crowd wearing orange, and relief swept over me, calming my frazzled nerves. A sign out front displayed happy hour specials including dollar beers and discounted oysters. I love seafood, and raw oysters is one of my favorite snacks in the world. The place is called Perla's and although Firecracker and I looked a little foolish when we couldn't find the entrance, we were very happy with our surroundings once we solved the puzzle.

After an overview of the menu I was shocked that I had never heard of this place. My wife and I are avid foodies, and we do a lot of restaurant research in pursuit of fun culinary experiences. Perla's seemed to be a restaurant/bar designed just for me. They have a list of unique signature cocktails with some really great ingredients, and the food options include a lobster roll (the sandwich not the sushi), a fried oyster po boy, and a soft shelled crab BLT. I had a slightly embarrassing moment responding, "raw" when the waitress asked me what kind of oysters I wanted. I had not noticed they actually offered around six varieties. I ordered a cocktail made with gin, aranciata, and mint to go along with the oysters, and I started to feel like the day was going to get better fast.

Unfortunately, fast is not an adjective I would use to describe the service at Perla's. Our waitress disappeared for ten minutes after taking the first order, then came back and had to retake the order. Another seven or eight minutes and we had our first drink.

My drink was fantastic and my wife's champagne cocktail was delicious. We began to dream about lives where we could drink champagne cocktails for breakfast. The oysters followed close behind and were the freshest I have tasted in Austin. They were served with fresh cocktail sauce and mignonette.

At that point, I forgot about the slow service and the throngs of burnt orange, and I was comfortable. Happy. We really enjoyed the ambience of Perla's outdoor deck. The contrast of rustic, simple picnic decor and the elegance of our specialty cocktails made for a pleasant moment. We drank slow, enjoyed the day, but eventually were in need of service, and I was ready to order lunch.

My empty drink sat on the edge of the table for another ten minutes or so before our waitress graced us with service. I would have considered complaining, but the table next to ours, and the one behind us, already had. At one point while groaning incredulously to Firecracker, she said, "quit digging your heels in, and enjoy the ride." I decided this was good advice and regained my composure, finding joy in our current circumstance.

I ordered the soft shelled crab BLT and a cocktail with grilled Meyer lemon and thyme infused vodka, honey liqueur, and iced tea. Kind of an artisan Arnold Palmer with alcohol. Maybe they should call it a John Daly, ha (I'll be here all week, folks). After several minutes our waitress sheepishly came back to our table and retook our order.

Again.

To say something positive, at least she was consistent.

The drinks eventually came, and even though there was no sign of the food, I remained surprisingly patient. I sipped my drink and made fun of the people walking around. South Congress is definitely good for people watching. After spotting a group of four people decked out in retro 80s clothing and hairstyles, Firecracker tried to convince me that look is currently "in style." One guy actually was wearing a Frankie Goes to Hollywood shirt adorned with the words, "RELAX" on the front and "DON'T DO IT" on the back. I argued that cliche is never in style, and the group looked like they were going to an 80s party.

My drink was almost finished when our waitress came to assure me the food was on its way. When the food came, Firecracker and I took advantage of the attention, and ordered dollar beers.

The sandwich was out of this world! It was served on thick cut Texas toast that was perfectly crusty and buttery. The soft shelled crab was huge, and legs were jutting out of the toast which was lightly covered in lemon mayo. A thin layer of greens was topped with ripe tomato slices and thick cut bacon. It was served alongside herbed french fries. I actually wanted the daikon slaw, but I forgot to mention this while I ordered. Once again, the quality of the food eclipsed the awful service and I wondered how often I could come back for that sandwich without it being considered excessive.

We enjoyed dollar beers while the sun went down and swallowed us in red and orange. Firecracker decided she wanted to get a piece of pizza from Homeslice that was across the street, so it was time for the check. Predictably, our waitress was no where to be found, and had been missing for at least 30 minutes. We discussed the ethical conundrum of walking out on a check if the server is not around to bring it to you. We both agreed we are not the type of people who could do this, so Firecracker went in search of the waitress.

Perla's has upscale prices to match its upscale menu, but you really get what you pay for. The atmosphere was very relaxing and comfortable. The food and drinks were thoughtful with wonderful attention to detail.

The service was deplorable.

I believe I will be back and hope for better service because everything else about Perla's was enjoyable. It is tough to believe our experience was normal considering the attention given to cuisine and atmosphere.

After dinner we walked over to Homeslice where Firecracker ordered a piece of pizza at the walk up window. I was again obsessed with the volume of burnt orange and referred to the area as "spooky." Taking a cue from this, Firecracker shouted "BOO!" to a passing group of Longhorns as we walked to our car. There is something so funny about a 22 year old man in a burnt orange shirt jumping out of his skin, in fear of my wife. I realized at that point I had someone with me more spooky than the locals and I calmed down.

Unfortunately, the strange day had a strange end when OU lost to Nebraska that night. Most of my friends find my superstitious behavior with OU football humorous, but I felt like I knew the game was headed for disaster based on the way the day worked out. I don't think, as a Sooner, spending your game day in the middle of happy Longhorns fans is a good thing, even if the food and drink is fabulous. Perhaps our waitress was really encouraging me to leave with her poor service because she was actually looking out for my best interests. I am going to choose to believe this because I am already looking forward to my next soft shelled crab BLT. It just won't be on a game day.